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My Embeered Life

Press release: tonight’s parade canceled, wake still on

September 29, 2015

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Community Beer Works, LLC, would like to formally apologize to Baal, god of rain, for any offense it may have inadvertently caused.

“Really, I don’t know what it was,” Ethan Cox, president of CBW, said, “but apparently Tlaloc, or Huang Geng, or Indra, or whatever the god or goddess would prefer we call them is very mad at us.” He looked up at the sky, rain beading on his glasses.

As a result of Kalden’s ire the brewery’s Wake of Rutherford B. Haze, scheduled for tonight at Hot Mama’s Canteen (NYSE: MAMA), will not start with a funeral procession down Amherst St from the corner of Grant. Instead, wellwishers, merrymakers and ne’er do wells should meet directly at Hot Mama’s at 6.

“We know we have Ninkasi on our good side,” Cox said, “but we’re still trying to figure out who the god of tacos is. Xipe-Totec? Xiuhtecuhtil? Tlazolteotl? We want to give them praise but Wikipedia really isn’t any help.” He then looked at the sky and made the “call me” sign with his hand.

ABOUT COMMUNITY BEER WORKS
Community Beer Works opened in 2012 and has been making excellent beer ever since. Rumors that its owners’ names are aliases making up a hidden anagram are most likely false.

ABOUT HOT MAMA’S CANTEEN
Hot Mama’s has a shuffleboard that Dan claims he doesn’t suck at.

ABOUT RAIN
It is wet and ruins parades.

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